Deep snow and nightshift policing

A few years ago, after much mumping and moaning, complaining and persuasion we were finally promised a bike shelter. No - not for smoking behind, but for smoking in. A last, protection from the wind and rain, as long as nobody dared park their bike there and take up all the space.

As is typical with these scenarios, contractors have to be contacted, designs looked at, preparation done, prices sought and agreed then the whole project filed on the back burner for as long as is possible in the hope that the need for such extravagant expense is forgotten about and the entire money wasting exercise abandoned.  If only the civilian staff bureaucrats would realise that the cost of their  money pinching exceeded the saving achieved. Maybe then they would all hand in their notice and we could get on with policing. Lead from the front with experience,  and not based on a spreadsheet. Sorry, I digress.

Having harboured beliefs that the bike shed would never materialise, I was surprised to arrive at the station one day to see turf being lifted, ground being levelled, slabs being laid and concrete mixed. I was dumbstruck.

What we were left with was a large area of slabs intended to be the base of a bike shed, but with no walls, roof or bike racks. Little did I know they were also in the pipeline. The levelled base, measuring about 4 metres by 3 metres (see how modern I am getting - not measuring in feet and inches), and would become an amazing piece of artwork during the winter.

During one of the worst blizzards of the winter (well we seldom get them during the summer) Steve and I were the only police vehicle patrolling the City and soon realised we were the only vehicle out and about. Even the numpties, chavs and hardened drinkers were all safely indoors and avoiding the heavy snow.

By the time we got back to the station for meal break, a beautiful fresh and even layer of snow had covered our "smoking" area, but the outline of the perimeter was clearly visible. Trampling flat the snow around the base was the first job, soon followed by a search of the office for a long and sturdy enough pole. For what I hear you cry.  Well we set about marking out a snakes and ladder board suitable for the Jolly Green Giant. The horizontal and vertical lines were perfectly drawn without having to step onto the ''board", snakes and  ladders added and numbers appended to the otherwise empty squares. To add to the masterpiece, a snow dice proportionate to the board was made and coloured markers (green and blue Tupperware lids) used to mark positions on the board as if a game was in progress.

Thankfully our artwork and use of police time was admired by all and  no-one defaced or trampled on our masterpiece for at least a week, during which time freezing temperatures ensured its longevity at least until the shelter arrived along with the bike racks. Not to be wasted, the bike racks themselves then became an ideal reference point and ''ocky'' for the cigarette butt darts that took place with regular monotony, trying to flick a fag-end into the metal bin from a certain point. 10 out of 10 was my best score - I missed every one.